Hello, I'm brining sexy back

-OK, do you have a receipt?
>No, I do not.
-Sorry, we don't accept used sexy without a receipt.
>You motherfuckers don't know how to act.

Sweet sweet coffee is pouring into my belly. It tastes like amaretto clouds. They are gathering over the northern tip of my county ready to unleash a torrent of caffeine.

I really like subway musicians, but not the "official" ones. There is a spot in the Time Square station where any musician who happens to be there has an official looking banner announcing who they are. I like the undocumented musicians on the trains themselves. The other week I got treated to not one, but two mariachi performances on the same ride. First was a duo with great, full sound. Then came a trio in matching Mexican shirts with a stand up bass. That was impressive, but their accordion / guitar / bass sound actually sounded more hollow than the previous bass-less band. One time, in the Times Square station I saw a man with an electric violin. The violin looked like H.R. Giger designed it; with flashing lights, black extensions, and an overall twisted shape. The man looked like he belonged in Dream Theater. Tight leather pants, boots, some rock T-shirt, and long, ratty hair reminiscent of Ronnie James Dio. He had a drum loop going and was shredding his violin, all while headbanging and contorting himself with reckless (albeit staged) abandon. He was interesting, but cheesy as fuck.

However, my favorite subway musician (and I doubt he would even call himself that) is a shriveled, blind, old man who gently sings sweet songs about hardship and young love. The R train turns into the Mississippi Delta for just a few minutes and I am in heaven. I always give him money.

The other week I saw Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling of onetime Howard Stern fame looking sloppy, old, and cheap. Then later on (not the same day) I saw Hugh Grant dreamily walking down the street. He looked stoned and not as good as he does in dem moving pictures. Turns out he was coming back from an auction where he unloaded a painting for many millions of dollars. I'd be looking stoned too.

I am listening to Peaches' The Teaches of Peaches. It's so sleazy I feel that I am covered with slime. Groovy.